The Dilemma of Censure

"Let me never fall into the vulgar mistake of dreaming that I am persecuted whenever I am contradicted." - Emerson

A man interrupted one of the Buddha’s lectures with a flood of abuse. Buddha waited patiently until he finished and then asked him, “If a man offered a gift to another but the gift was declined, to whom would the gift belong?” Replied the man, “To the one who offered it.” Buddha smiled and said, “I decline to accept your abuse and request you to keep it for yourself.”

Criticism at times amounting to abuse. A familiar and oft repeated occurrence in our modern times of free social media, blogs and a certain privileged attitude of ‘knowing it all’. It starts with just a few words coming out of someone’s mouth. But as they pour out you start feeling stupid, rejected, hurt betrayed and shrunk. Being criticized can be a rough thing to handle, even though if put across constructively and with a genuine intent it can sometimes be very helpful towards your development.

The trouble with most of us is that we’d rather be plied with praise than resuscitated by criticism. While criticism may not be agreeable, it is at times necessary. It accomplishes the same function as fever in the human body. It calls attention to an unhealthy state of affairs. I have yet to meet a person, no matter how lofty their position or capability, who did not execute better work or accomplish greater endeavour under a spirit of censure than under a flood of praise.

There is a very thin line between constructive criticism and one that is aimed purposefully to destroy your self esteem. While I don’t endorse the latter in any manner whatsoever, I certainly believe that those who genuinely have a heart to help you will criticize you in the right spirit, with the solutions and directions also provided. The important thing is to reflect and gauge genuine feedback from destructive criticism.

We need a very strong spine to hear ourselves judged candidly, and because there are very few among us who can endure honest criticism without being hurt by it, those who step forth to condemn us perform a remarkable act of assistance... for to undertake to upset a person’s ego for their own growth is to have a healthy respect and genuine fondness for them.

For those who take on the lofty mantle of criticizing, Frank Clark’s words must resonate deeply within as they speak, “Criticism, like rain, should be gentle enough to nourish a man’s growth without destroying his roots.”

And for he who listens respectfully to the criticism, don’t let pride go to your head and anguish to your heart. Don’t allow the praises to fill your false ego or the criticisms harden your heart. And do not let your milestones over-inflate your self-worth or your disappointments tear the fabric of your spirit. If you can remember these words every time someone offers you an opinion, you will travel far in your quest for excellence, fulfillment and glory.