Sunday 20 April 2014

Be careful what you aim for...

42 year old Neil had a dream job heading a billion $ global multinational conglomerate, a generous seven figure salary package, an all expenses paid business class travel that involved jet-setting the globe and schmoozing with the who’s who of the business and entertainment world, all the latest tech-gadgets and a host of other magnificent perks that came with the territory. Everything he had ever aspired for and more! Neil had it all...or did he?

Neil was twice divorced and his third wife was already uttering the dreaded ‘D’ word. He had fought for joint custody of his two daughters from his first marriage, not that it mattered as he was never around to attend their piano recitals or attend parent-teacher forums. Their disappointed faces were a constant poignant reminder of his failure as a father. He could never take leave from his work, and even weekends were repeatedly interrupted by streams of urgent phone calls and text messages from investors, clients and his business managers. One would imagine that at his level Neil could turn off the phone and refuse to stay wired to his computer - after all, it was a weekend. But Neil had worked too long and hard to attain this level of success, and he wasn’t going to let down his stakeholders, not to mention, let his guard down as alpha dog!

But two decades had taken its toll and the cracks were starting to show in Neil’s marriage, family affairs, state of mind and health. A nagging feeling of despair, uncertainty and emptiness had started overwhelming his psyche. He was feeling more disconnected and uncertain about the road ahead. A gnawing realization had started setting in that this was not what he truly wanted when he embarked on his career two decades ago. If Neil’s story sounds familiar to you or someone you’re close to, maybe it’s time to take stock and ask yourself if this is really what you had wished for.

Most of Gen X fondly reminisce about the good ol’ days, and rightly so, because they were good! Even if creature comforts and technology were mildly adequate, we can probably all agree that today’s family and work dynamic is more complex than ever before. Even the lingo used is so much more complicated: You’re not “Busy”; you’re “Overscheduled.” There are no “breadwinners”, now we’re classified as “DINK’s” ie: Double Income, No Kids.” Children are no longer those sweet innocent kids who roamed around the neighbourhood on bicycles and played hop-scotch-jump around the kerb, oh no, your 7 year old could be internet-savvy enough to hack into the Government Treasury Department and bring down the entire grid.

So what really happened? Did we become more driven by necessity, more obsessed with desires, more motivated by our aspirations? Were liberalization and the burgeoning economy a prime driver that fuelled our ambitions? Were we simply competing with our peers, or just trying to prove a point to ourselves? As the race picked up, we strived to have it all by becoming more efficient, mobile and indispensible, therein spending more and more time away from our loved ones. We wanted it all...the great career, model marriage, luxurious home, great kids, and the envious lifestyle. And we wanted it all NOW! The scales started tilting, and in a span of two decades the consequences of our frenetic pursuit lay bare for all to see. A society filled to the brim with self-serving, acquisitive, career-driven people, who exert endlessly to etch a semblance of sanity and equilibrium between their desire to have the best at work and maintain a sense of connect with their families. It all came at a high irreversible cost!

When you begin to relate going to work to entering a torture chamber, and you spend more money on prescriptions than you do groceries, you may be ready to hit the pause button, reflect and take a relook at whether what you have is really what you wished for, and whether it has all been worth it! Whilst I am certainly not advocating chucking it all up and heading off into the mountains (after all, there are tangible and intangible costs to making any desire come true), I am certainly advising an examination of whether the benefits attained are outweighing the costs.

Let’s first analyze the theory of the dream job versus the lucrative profession. A dream job is often a matter of personal penchant, and normally well suited to the individual's personal situation. Therefore a person who is fond of baking would prefer a job in a bakery churning out the best of pastries and constantly learning new techniques to upgrade his skills in this area of work. That such a job may be exceedingly lucrative is open to debate, but nevertheless, he is at least integrating his passion with his choice of career. Unfortunately the highest-paying professions including Medicine, Law, Information Technology, Marketing & Sales, Banking and Airlines are rarely childhood dreams for many and take the highest toll on your work-life balance. The costs in pursuing these glamorous and well-paid professions range from the tangible such as the monetary cost of education to the intangibles including the long work hours and the high levels of stress involved. There’s also the cost of ‘uncertainty’. Being the top dog in your profession means always being on your guard and wary about your job being snatched by a more ambitious person around the block, or worse yet, layoffs in such a recessionary scenario. The expensive lifestyle and glamorous facade pursued and created to impress your neighbours now becomes the very noose around your neck.

Of course, there are obvious benefits of chasing those money-spinning, super glamorous, much aspired for careers. Most of us have secretly yearned for name, fame, money and an enviable glamorous lifestyle when we were young. The resentment in our peers faces as we raced ahead to the top acted as a drug that further fuelled our ambition. The only question here is whether we were aware of the price we had to pay to reach the summit, and once attained, was it all as amazing as portrayed to be? Were we told in college about the layers and levels of sacrifice that would be required to reach the top? That aiming for the top meant ‘Do or Die’? It would mean losing spouses, friends, relatives and peace of mind. A lifetime’s play of patience, ambiguity, ridicule, triumph and failure. The gut wrenching loneliness that you experienced once you reached the top. The euphoria on reaching the summit would last barely a few days, but after that a realization would set in that it was not as worthwhile as you thought it would be!

Maybe this sounds extreme, but I rarely know of anyone who has had an easy ride to the top. Not to mention the constant stress involved in staying at the top! Ultimately, it’s your choice. Whether the benefits of reaching the top of your profession outweigh the physical and emotional costs, or vice versa, is a matter of personal choice and preference. From decades of personal experience I can only advise that no matter what you choose, do try to choose a career where you like what you do. Choose a domain that’s a natural extension of your personality, talent and skills. Let your work become a bigger life goal than simply a means to earn that paycheque at the end of every month. Embrace a career that serves as an extension of your core identity, something that you take on with love and passion, in the process hopefully inspiring your family to extend the much needed support to create the necessary balance during the strenuous moments. When you genuinely love what you do, irrespective of the price involved, you’ll still feel motivated and happy in the knowledge that you have fulfilled your life’s purpose and left behind a better world. The glamorous rewards, if any, will only be a by-product of this rewarding life journey and fortunately not the main goal that you imprudently embarked upon at the start of your career.

“Choose a job you love and you will never have to work a day in your life.” Centuries later, Confucius’ theory holds even greater significance as many ambitious yet perplexed youngsters roll out of the educational system and choose their rightful place in the complex and ever evolving corporate world.

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