A Quest for the Truth Within

If you begin to understand what you are without trying to change it, then what you are undergoes a transformation. – Jiddu Krishnamuti

I have discovered that I am a second-hand edition. I have existed all these years based on what I have been told, steered by the counsel of my parents, friends, peers, colleagues, desires, circumstances and surroundings. The media has certainly shaped, moulded and influenced me to the point that there is nothing original in me anymore. Nothing new... not a single part of me is original, nor any discovery that I have made for myself. It took me 45 years to realize that there was nothing unique, pure or lucid within me anymore! 

When I was young, I associated academic accomplishments and being part of an uber-cool peer group with self-worth. Well, turned out that obese kids weren’t considered cool...which led to years of low self-esteem and a phobia of large groups. Empty book shops and libraries became my cavern of solace. I convinced myself that aloofness and introversion was the new cool.

As I grew older I worked exceedingly hard at getting good grades, dream jobs, promotions, cabins, trophies and perks, thinking that everything would finally fall into place. Surprisingly, it still didn’t. I had shed all that unwanted weight, reverse aged and rearranged my goals, but I was still unhappy. In retrospect, all this sounds extremely irrational, but at that time all my choices and aspirations made perfect sense.

Yes, I certainly proved to the entire world that I was intelligent, but this “proof” seemed strangely hollow. I had spent so much of my adult life working toward what I thought were my important life milestones only to find out that they meant nothing to me. Instead of feeling a sense of pride and self-worth, I felt a sense of emptiness and loss. I no longer knew who I was, what I wanted, my goals, or even a sense of direction. I was a product fashioned out of the expectations of society, but somewhere in the midst of that turbulent pretentious journey, I had lost my original song.

And then one day as I listened to a bunch of colleagues rant on and on like a stuck gramophone record about how imperfect our lives were, the drudgery of relationships and life, and a future of evident doom, it hit me. This was not my song! This had never been me. My childhood song had been all about hope, love, magic, candour, courage and happiness. When did someone else’s mandate become my personal mantra? As I abruptly walked out of that conversation, my quest to discover my true self began.

Somewhere along the way, I had allowed the outer worldly chaos to smother my inner light and sense of true purpose. Rediscovering my sense of identity and soul purpose became my burning mission in 2016. The universe gauged my sense of urgency and stretched out its magnanimous hand. A series of interesting chance encounters, esoteric literature, healings and meditations led me to understand that the inward journey is an important aspect of our outer life. Whatever happens inwardly has direct repercussions on what germinates and reflects outwardly. The inner light and purity cannot be hidden, but neither can the defilements.

We mistakenly believe we can portray something we are not. That is not possible. The Buddha said that one only knows a person after having heard him speak many times and having lived with him for a long time. Most of us generally try to show ourselves off as something better than we really are. Then, of course, we become disappointed in ourselves when we fail, and we become equally disenchanted in others. The blame game begins, and a downward spiral into self loathing and revulsion in whoever we can censure commences. But to realistically know ourselves makes it possible to truly love. For when we understand ourself, we understand others...and out of that understanding comes love. The kind of feeling that offers the light-heartedness to any relationship or task at hand, which is so essential to the turbulent times that we live in. By accepting ourselves and others as we truly are, our job of purification, chipping away at the defilements, is made much easier. And our inner song is finally able to break through the pretentious din and clutter to radiate in its utmost purity and glory.

Script Your Sparkle

“Your current circumstances are part of your redemption story that the Universe is writing.” – Evinda Lepins

Life! It’s the only bona fide reality we face every single day. To most of us the daily drudge and grind of existence sucks. And yet none of us really pause to take stock of what really ails. We are so terrified and focused on the next negative situation that’s going to crush us that we forget to pause and just BE!

We allow our situations to label our state of mind. Our lifetime conditioning convinces us that our external circumstances define us. The voices in our head start whispering gently enough – “I’d love to do that, but...” or “I’m not that lucky...” or “I wanted to go, but...” Before you know it, these silent voices in our head become our outer shell and caustic persona.

If you allow your past or existing situations to label you, you can be assured that they will eventually destroy you. Your mind will become a possessed excuse factory which will spin out a million reasons as to why you shouldn’t take that leap of faith or crucial decision that could be a game-changer. Your mind will gradually convince you that you can’t change, that your problems are just too massive to be resolved, and that you need to slip into a coma of inescapable fated doom.

If you choose to be at the mercy of life’s events, then be ready to also accept that events have no mercy. However if you choose to change your outlook and attempt to make a change in your heart and not your circumstance, then you will be amazed by what can be! If you can choose to believe that the Universe is scripting a brilliant story that is way bigger than all those myriad pesky circumstances past and present, you will find the strength to transcend the grind and surge ahead into an inspired tomorrow.

Nobody who made it big allowed their circumstances to defeat them. None of the great ones were ever content to settle to the status quo. They opted to look at crushing situations optimistically and take control of their outcome. Their thoughts were the controlling factor of their outcome. They allowed the pain and defeats of their past to become their teachers to guide them into humility and service. The pain helped them look beyond the superficial and forced them onto their true path thereby crafting a destiny for the greater good. And that’s what made for greatness, and history!

There are no extra unwanted actors or roles in the cosmos. Your journey so far has been part of a greater story the Universe has been scripting. We are all here because we have an important role to play. Stop allowing a few negative situations to dim your sparkle. Break free from the toxic victim mindset and embrace the power and potential of your greatness. Stop thinking like an extra, and become the lead role. You are the Star of your Destiny, now start acting like one! 

Piecing together an Alternate Paradigm

“Change does not roll in on the wheels of inevitability, but comes through continuous struggle.” – Martin Luther King, Jr.

The winds of change are blowing all around the world. Be it political turmoil, financial upheaval, havoc in our personal and professional relationships, disruptions in health and cerebral peace...it’s visible across all spheres of our existence. Sudden, raucous and disruptive; change and chaos seems to be the new ‘in vogue’ world order.

While there’s a temptation to turn a blind eye, pull up the bed covers and camouflage ourselves into a dark corner in the hope that we survive this era of turbulence and chaos, the reality is that nothing is going to stay the same. It is obvious that a massive shift is happening in the fabric of the universe and our very existence. You can feel it in your gut that life is just not what it once was, and you’re not quite sure where it’s headed. But one thing is for sure - it’s high time for all us to let go of the snug status quo, and start exploring and experimenting with alternative possibilities and solutions if we have any hope of coming out of the next decade sane and sanguine.

While change is paramount, there’s also a danger of changing everything too fast, all at once. Often when situations don’t feel good in our lives, we want to transform everything at once...but too many hurried shifts can lead to collision and anarchy. Small adjustments and tweaks may be the key to getting the ball rolling in the right direction.  All you may need is simply a shift of perspective that helps you interpret your situation differently, which in turn can open up many positive choices and unconventional solutions.

Like the assiduous Egyptian Goddess Isis who used her magical skills aeons ago to gather the dismembered and strewn body parts of her husband Osiris to restore him back to life, this new era of chaos encourages us to bring together scattered parts of our lives into a unified whole. Queen Isis didn’t flinch at the challenge of recovering the missing pieces of her husband Osiris, so neither should we feel that we have an impossible task ahead of us. Piece by piece is surely the way ahead.

Resist the temptation to fix the drawbacks perceived in others, and try to be focused on how to shift your own life to a higher frequency, which in turn can translate to healing, growth and amity in all the different dimensions of your life. 

The turbulence in the outer world offers all of us a chance to embrace our unique inner talents, beliefs and ideas in order to open up fresh landscapes and opportunities in the year ahead. Yes, cold gusty winds are blowing indeed, but it’s exactly maybe what all of us need to explore an alternative approach and spur us on. An alternate paradigm shift is often exacting and hard won.

There’s Strength in Surrender

“Surrender is a long journey from the outer turmoil to the inner peace.” – Sri Chinmoy

There’s the Left Brain side of me that endeavoured to constantly be in control, analyze and use logic at every possible turn. The word ‘Hope’ seemed ludicrous as it offered me the imaginary freedom to design dreams and manifest my deepest desires magically. To move forward from years of disciplined rational rearing, inflexible plans and worksheets with tight timelines seemed a complete no-no.

And yet surrendering to the Universe and the miracle of Hope was exactly what I needed. To evolve and move past my need to be in charge, rein in, regulate and micro manage every aspect of my life and surrounding was the best decision I ever took in my life. And that’s when I discovered that Surrender and Hope were the channels to greater possibilities and miracles.

During this gradual process of letting go, I realized we try to control things because of what we imagine will happen if we don’t. In other words, control is entrenched in fear. The need to sub-consciously control also stems out of the fact that we desire an exact outcome – one that we believe is best for us. But do we really know what’s best for us? Maybe letting go can unlock many pathways to all types of amazing possibilities that simply can’t exist when we are mentally stuck to a narrow path.

Surrendering is a long drawn process. It’s both an art and a science. It literally means to stop the warfare...both within, and with the universe. It means bowing to the natural rhyme and rhythm of the cosmos, and going with the flow. Above all, it’s about having complete and utter faith in the higher plan designed exclusively for you.

Don’t get me wrong. Surrender isn’t about inertia. It’s about taking effective action, but from a place of implicit Faith and Trust. When we are in an aggressive control gear, it almost feels like we are fighting headwinds against all odds. Surrender is about letting the winds guide your sails and smoothly moving into the direction that life was anyways supposed to take you.

Over the past year my multiple areas of surrender spanned surrendering and letting go of all the people, objects and situations that no longer served me. I also learnt to bring up all that was buried deep in my heart come to the surface and be healed. The simple act of becoming conscious of past hurts, regrets, grief, doubts and misgivings was therapeutic to say the least. Releasing these many dormant layers of darkness to the universe helped bring in new light and start a process of healing. Letting go helped open up space for new energies to enter...and therein started my fantastic journey from darkness and despondency to joy, hope and light.

Einstein famously quoted, “The most important decision we make is whether we believe we live in a friendly or hostile universe.” After years of imprudently deeming that I was battling a harsh world, I finally surrendered to the belief that I lived in a friendly universe. The universe had never been my adversary....au contraire I had conditioned myself to become my worst enemy!

Being receptive and having faith in the universe is a skill that needs to be practised and worked upon every single day. Challenges will abound to test your newfound faith. But therein lies your greatest potential for progress. It really helps to believe that you co-exist in a friendly universe, one that supports you at every step so that you don’t have to waste time looking around for imaginary daggers and hidden potholes. The choice is yours – to fight your way through life, or to let go of the steering wheel and let the winds of faith guide your sails towards an amazing new destination.

The Dichotomy of Reason

In Greek mythology, Apollo and Dionysus were both sons of the might God Zeus. Apollo is the God of the Sun, Lightness, Music and Poetry, while Dionysus lords over wine, ecstasy and intoxication. In literary context, the stark contrast between them symbolizes the principles of individualism versus wholeness, light versus darkness, and civilized society versus primal nature.

In a contemporary context, Apollo and Dionysus represent a philosophical dichotomy of Reason and Rational, versus Irrational Emotion and Chaos. But, the Greeks never considered the two Gods to be opposites or rivals. The Apollonian is based on reason and logical thinking. By contrast, the Dionysian is based on chaos and appeals to the emotions and instincts. The content of all great drama of life is based on the conflict created by the interaction between these two.

Historically, Reason was assumed by ancient philosophers to be superior to Emotion – it was what made humans human. The contrast and dominion of the two Gods cannot be more starkly prevalent and visible across domains today. The new era of Internet, Google, facts figures and data at your fingertips, saw a segment of the populace make Reason dominate their lives. But in some areas Emotion seems to have been elevated over Reason – one only has to think of the endless portrayals of anger, greed and sex in Hollywood films, the psychology-driven tricks of spin doctors in the political game or the heart-wrenching efforts of marketers soliciting for the philanthropic dollar.

The past few decades of industrialization and corporatization saw the relationship between emotion and reason as a challenging one. But the latest thinking and dynamic environmental factors contests that assumption. The gap between emotion and reason is narrowing – and to some, there no longer is a gap. A large body of research in neuroscience and psychology has shown that emotions are not the enemy of reason, but rather are a crucial part of it. 

We are often faced with rational decisions that involve a great many conflicting and confusing alternatives. We usually decide on which course to take by weighing up the options, and deciding which one is most beneficial to our well-being. But when it is unclear which one this may be, our powers of reason are insufficient in formulating an answer. In situations like these, our emotions take over.

The idea that emotion impedes logic is pervasive and wrong. The key is to identify the emotions and their associated potential outcomes on rational thinking. For example, anger can lead to prejudiced decisions and a feeling of certainty about them. But sadness has been linked to more careful decision-making and less confidence about them.

We do struggle every day to manage unruly emotions with cool, clear intellect. We know now that thinking has both emotional and logical components. Moral judgements do originate in the more primitive, emotional parts of our brain. What we think of as rational choices are more often simply unconsciously driven decisions rationalised after the fact. But that doesn’t mean there is no hope for Reason. Elevating Emotion over Reason is dangerous. It allows clear reign for irrational thinking, driven by spontaneous emotions, unmediated by reflection. Fight or flight, kill or be killed. But elevating Reason over Emotion doesn’t work either. It ignores what we now know about how the mind actually works, how we make decisions that lead to action.

We know Reason and Emotion are inextricably intertwined. The trick is to get people to understand how, and why it’s important to ensure we don’t take the less energy-intensive route of giving in to our spontaneous emotions, or go to the other extreme path to allow pure logic to ruin our spirit. Maybe the solution lies in better education in the area of Introspection, Reason and Reasoning from an early age of life.

As J Krishnamurti beautifully summed up, “The highest form of human intelligence is to observe oneself without judgement.”

For in Death we are Reborn again...

Let the fires of Holi burn bright tonight so that all our fears & delusions can be burnt away and all that remains is the truth of our true self.

The Crucifixion of Good Friday required to remind us of the death of an old paradigm, an outdated materialistic & self-centred era.

And the resurrection of Easter Sunday necessary to help us leap to a new way of thinking, a brand new beginning. A muuch needed wake up call from the long sleep of our illusion of separateness to the truth of our collective sacred heart. 

A recognition that our apparent separation is really an illusion and that we already are, and always have been One Human Family.

A Time for Inner Reflection

The tragic and senseless terror attacks in Brussels urges us to let go of the need to be right and embrace the possibilities inherent in deep listening and deep seeing ... of looking into the eyes of our so called ‘enemy’ and recognizing even the tiniest smidgen of shared humanity upon which can be built foundations for a New World.

The world as it stands today is challenged by many opposing forces. We feel them both personally and collectively, pushing against our own will, raising difficult questions, triggering issues we would rather evade ad infinitum.

How we manage our own inner conflicts largely dictates how we manage external ones. If we struggle with our own anger or hatred, telling ourselves we shouldn’t feel this way, we will struggle to respond effectively to the anger of others.

If we fear our own power – preferring to see ourselves as victim rather than creator – we may too readily succumb to the power wielded by others, adopting their thoughts and priorities, behaviours and lifestyles without discerning the right path for us.

But if we refuse to acknowledge our own inner tyrant who demands its own way no matter what, we may project it onto the world around us, pointing the finger at those bullies out there without recognizing their reflection within ourselves.

We identify with those parts of ourselves we can live with and avoid the bits we can’t, when in fact we can live with all of it when wise discernment, gentle acceptance, compassion and understanding inform our attitude and shape our inner and outer relationships.

Time to reflect upon what divides us, what unites us and how we can move forward together in a life-affirming and positive way. Time to encourage each other and ourselves.

Time to hold up to others a mirror in which they can see their potential, not their failings: a divine child of God not an orphan of circumstance.